“Please help me save my marriage,” is a phrase that is wrought with emotion. By all accounts, our marriage is one of, if not, the most important relationship we’ll ever have. We go into marriage believing that our bond with our spouse is unique and unbreakable. When that dynamic starts to shift and we see some cracks in the foundation of the relationship everything we believed can be questioned. If you love your spouse and you don’t want to even consider the idea of divorce you need to address the problem issues now. With proper guidance, patience and insight you can not only improve your marriage but you can rebuild it so you and your partner are closer than you’ve ever been before.

One common thread that runs through marriages that are facing difficulties is that one of the partners has simply started taking the other for granted. This is easy to do and once it happens it can undermine the entire relationship. The person who feels used starts to resent their spouse and this leads to arguments and unending frustration. If you are the person who feels taken for granted you need to shift that dynamic right now. The easiest and most effective way to do that is to become less available to your partner. You may think that’s impossible given the fact that you two live together and spend an incredible amount of time with each other, but you can make it happen. Just as you likely pulled back from your partner when you needed some reassurance of their feelings before marriage, you should do the same now. Go out and spend time pursuing your own interests or focus more on your career. Sometimes you must show your spouse what they risk losing if you want them to fully appreciate you.

Another issue that many couples face once they have children is the shift in their relationship from that of romantic partners to co-parents. Having a child together dramatically impacts the dynamic between a man and a woman. Suddenly they are thrust into a new world where another individual is completely dependent on them. This often causes a couple to lose their connection to each other. They are so busy tending to the needs of their family that they lose sight of each other’s needs. You have to ensure this doesn’t happen in your marriage. If it’s already happened, you need to change it. One easy way to do this is to plan alone time each and every week for you and your spouse. Make an effort to set aside time only for each other. That means you need to arrange child care or you need to stay up later or get up earlier so you can interact without the children present. Talk about things, hold hands, make love or do whatever you can to keep your romantic connection alive. This is vitally important to the health and well being of your marriage.

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.

You can save your marriage and rebuild it into a more connected, satisfying relationship.

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